


I Always Knew, Until I Didn't

by horse



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, lots of hurt because I am godless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 10:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13762269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horse/pseuds/horse
Summary: Libra gets some news. Gift for a friend :-)





	I Always Knew, Until I Didn't

This was… home. The smell of treated wood, of candles, of incense. The soft glow, highlighting miniature snowflakes of dust that gathered despite the best of efforts in the endeavor of a spotless sanctuary. An endless sea of red and pious, unassuming amber.

_’I’m so happy for you, Lon’qu.’_

He feels his teeth grind together. But for all the ugliness in his heart, it was true. He was so relieved. So truly relieved that a man who had suffered such trauma had finally come to terms… had finally fallen in love.

_’She is lucky to have you.’_

Anyone would be.

_’You will be at the wedding?’_  
_’Of course.’_

Naga forsake him, Lon’qu had relaxed so thoroughly at those words, and in turn he had become cold marble once they left his trembling lips. Thank the stars for his powers of invisibility. Thank the gods above that Lon’qu could not see him shatter like a stained glass window into a thousand - a million - pieces, glinting in the fire of midday.

He had bowed then, and he bowed now, but much too low, unable to fight himself upright. Crumpling to his knees like a spoiled child. And that’s what he was - spoiled rotten by this transcendant menagerie of remarkable people… spoiled enough to think he deserved to be one of them, let alone be loved by one of them. 

Libra had allowed himself the sin of selfishness, and it was the door to that unholy string of fate - it was by his hand that the sky had fallen. He could blame no other soul for the tempest in his chest, that tore the sails of his heart with claws of wroth he had only known in battle. They spared him no mercy, scattering before him a mural of the man he loved, beholding his bride.

It had been such a long time since he’d cried enough to make a sound. Even so it wasn’t much; the echo of a choke or a quick inhale. Was it the pain of unrequited love, or the realisation that he might have tried to claw at something undeserved? 

Hadn’t he been admitted into this comradery for his skill - his worth to their army? A prouder moment had not come to pass. To be allowed to fight alongside noble hearts, to be accepted by them… but that was it. He had fooled himself that he would be permitted some higher reward, something he hadn’t worked for. Something for which he should not have assumed himself very worthy at all.

It was that the gods saw all; Naga had watched the parade of his transgressions. Had counted without bias the wanderings into darkness, when he let himself stray from a truer path. He was not done atoning. Here was the proof - the blue sky overhead. The clear water at his feet.

How could it feel so unfair, he wondered, wiping at his face, trying to return to the composure he had so dutifully crafted - years and years he had cultivated this better person. Now it felt like all he toiled for was slipping through his trembling fingers.

Please, he tried to whisper, but his voice had forsaken him like all else, only adding a pathetic melody to his misery everytime he dared oblige a sob.

Theatrics. Dramatics. To walk in the light meant to stop being so _selfish_. So absorbed with his own trivial plights.

Libra sat there, on his legs, hands in his lap, palms open for the patience he beseeched. That he might be gifted that much, if not an undeserved happiness.

He would go to the wedding and be glad. For it, for Lon’qu. For someone else’s chance at fulfillment and wholeness. That much was owed.

He was so very happy that it could come to this - that Lon’qu would find peace and a warm fire to kindle, even if it could not be his own.


End file.
